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"The White Queen threshold is the point in a story when the heroine realizes that Anything Could Happen and stops expecting normality. The point where, if a howler monkey were to parachute from the heavens in front of her and begin singing "Danny Boy," she would just watch silently for a while and think, "Figures." The point where the brain has gone numb from impossibility and is now prepared to swallow anything." -Columbine

little ms. "sweet and innocent."

Friday, April 4, 2003
Man gets lots of facial surgery to look like Michael Jackson, has few friends and no girlfriend.
There are so very many cracks anyone could make about this one.

Friday, April 4, 2003
Amusing Quote of the Day
"Being an artist means taking chances, and sometimes taking chances means being 72 and playing 57, wearing a wig with a ponytail and dancing the tango for no good reason."

Friday, April 4, 2003
An American's Guide to Canada
My favorite: how to tell you're in Canada.

"When new coins are introduced to replace paper currency, people actually use the coins.
When you step on someone's foot, he apologizes. (This really happened.)"

Friday, April 4, 2003
My Trailer Is Bigger Than Your Trailer
A trailer trash family. I love it.

Friday, April 4, 2003
Girlamatic
I'm liking several of these comic strips done on this site, particularly the well-drawn and funny Bite Me!

Friday, April 4, 2003
Where on earth do you come up with an ALF cake pan?
And just look at how the cake turned out. I thought I was bad in the kitchen...

Friday, April 4, 2003
Where on earth do you dig up an ALF cake pan?
And oh man, just look at the finished product. And I thought I was bad in the kitchen...

Friday, April 4, 2003
Why does this remind me of a Savage Love column?
(Specifically, this subject.)

I had to check the date on this to make sure it wasn't a late April Fool's, especially given the cheesedog (literally) picture accompanying it: "A farmer had sex with his pregnant wife's dog because he was fed-up with his marriage, a court heard yesterday."

Though I guess it could be worse: instead of sleeping with her dog, he could be treating her like one...

Oy.

Friday, April 4, 2003
Congress named 2003 The Year of the Blues.
Do I even need to make a comment on the irony of this?

Get yer T-shirts now!

1940's Propaganda Remixed.

Friday, April 4, 2003
This makes no sense to me.
BISMARCK, N.D. - The state Senate has voted to keep a 113-year-old law that makes it a crime for unmarried couples to live together.
"It stands as a reminder that there is right, and there is wrong," said Sen. John Andrist, a Republican. "Just because something can't be enforced, I don't think it necessarily means that we should feel compelled to take a position to take it off the books."
HUH? Advocates of repealing the law say it is almost never enforced, and doing so would require unorthodox police work.

Friday, April 4, 2003
Who the hell drinks antifreeze?
I'm assuming it's a suicide because, well, that's just not sounding like something you do as an "Oops!", but why make THAT your particular method of dispatchment? That's just gotta be one nasty way to go. Whatever happened to the traditional overdose of sleeping pills?

Friday, April 4, 2003
This story is very strange, somehow.
"One of the applicants Steinberg chose to track through the admissions process was Becca, a student at Harvard-Westlake, which is an Úlite private school near Los Angeles. Becca had been involved in a small scandal at Harvard-Westlake. On the way to class one day, she took a bite of a pot brownie another student was handing around. The student was caught (she had become ill), and Becca turned herself in. She was the only one of the several students who had eaten a piece of the brownie who did so, and though she was disciplined, she was also praised by the school administration for her integrity and maturity. The following year, she was elected president of the student government, and she became the chair of the honor board.
Becca and her college counsellor debated about what to do with this incident when she applied to college; they decided to make it a selling point, as a story about accepting responsibility and rising above past mistakes. Becca used the pot-brownie story as the subject of her application essay, and was turned down by all the top colleges to which she applied. At Wesleyan, the committee could not see the wisdom of admitting a student who had confessed to using drugs. The Wesleyan admissions officer whose district included Harvard-Westlake, though, believed the accept-responsibility-and-rise-above-past-mistakes line, and he contrived to get Becca onto the waiting list and then, surreptitiously, to the top of that list. A visit to Wesleyan was arranged for her. When she arrived, a student escort took her to the dorm where she would be staying. As soon as she entered the building, Becca could smell marijuana everywhere. Her visit turned out to coincide with what is known at Wesleyan as Zonker Harris Day, a day devoted to the celebration of pot smoking. Becca was later accepted at Wesleyan, but she was also accepted off the waiting list at Cornell. She went to Cornell."

Friday, April 4, 2003
Foreign languages are strange and illogical.

Friday, April 4, 2003
Shiny scary reflective bridesmaids!
Gee, do you think this bride was just a wee bit anxious to er, tie the knot?

"Zyness O'Haver and Sallie Warren decided to make it official and get married. Why not, after living together 77 years?
O'Haver, 95, and Warren, 94, were married Wednesday in a ceremony at the Oklahoma County courthouse. Three of the couple's four grandchildren were on hand to witness.
"I can't remember when I've married a more anxious bride," said Special Judge J. Fred Doak.
After the repeating of the vows and exchange of rings - enlivened once when Warren prematurely answered the judge with "I sure do!"

Friday, April 4, 2003
The Osbournes, The Movie

Friday, April 4, 2003
There's no streaking in the military!

Friday, April 4, 2003
Oh yeah, I'm sure you'll get $150,000 PER SONG out of COLLEGE STUDENTS.